Hero of War
by KimikoAmaya
Summary: Based on Hero of War by Rise Against; Arthur feels he can have no friends until he meets Merlin, only to betray the man he loves when he learns Merlin's secret. Angst, boyxboy, Merthur.


_I ! Omg I'm sure most of you guys thought I was dead, but obviously I'm writing right now, so no such luck! :P_

_School has been ridiculously busy, along with work so I've found it hard to get my ideas down on paper. But, this week has been one massive "let's all attack Kim" week for story ideas. So I've been trying to get them all down as fast as possible! Phew stressful! Anyway, let's get to the story yeah?_

_So I got this idea after having "Hero of War" by Rise Against stuck in my head for about an hour. I know that the song isn't perfect; song involves guns and stuff, but the idea seemed perfect since Arthur is always forced to fight his father's war against magic. _

_Anyway, this is some angst and involves some lite Merthur; don't like, don't read._

_Kudos to my epic Beta: Resacon1990  
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Hero of War

**He said, "Son, have you seen the world?**

**Well, what would you say if I said that you could?**

**Just carry this gun, you'll even get paid"**

Arthur stood before his father, head bowed, and hand gripping the hilt of his sword in an attempt to channel the tension he always felt during his father's lectures.

"You will do your duty and you will hunt down these sorcerers. Magic is evil and not to be trusted, just as you can trust no one in your station."

Arthur bowed, "Yes, Sire."

"Before I die, and before you become king of this realm Arthur, I will make sure that you see what this world is capable of. You will travel to fulfill these quests and you will use your sword to drive justice into the hearts of these evildoers" he finished, waving his hand in dismissal.

"Sire", Arthur said curtly before turning and striding out of the throne room. Perhaps his father was right, and Arthur should just realize magic truly was an evil to be feared. Perhaps his travels truly would open his eyes to the truth behind his father's words, Arthur begrudgingly agreed. After all, his father was right about his so called "friend's" betrayals.

**Black leather boots, spit shined so bright**

**They cut off my hair but it looks alright**

**We marched and we sang**

**We all became friends as we learned how to fight**

"Don't be an idiot M_er_lin; we're having sword practice today," Arthur smirked.

"Bloody prat! You JUST had me muck your stables, clean your absurdly messy room AND polish your armor at a ridiculously early hour of the morning," he angrily pointed to the now newly risen sun. "Now, you want to do sword training? You only let me have two hours of sleep SIRE," he hissed, glaring angrily at the prince.

_God, I love riling him up!_ Arthur furiously shook the thought from his head, trying his damndest to not stare at the beautiful flashing eyes and flushed face of his manservant. _Shit! He's just so damned tempting to look at!_

Merlin took a step back, seeing something dangerous flash through the prince's eyes. Arthur drew himself up, standing from his chair and walking towards the servant. Merlin froze, _Oh God, did I go too far today? God knows his tempers are impossible and as unpredictable as a storm, but what was that in his eyes?_

Snapping back to himself and withdrawing from his thoughts, Merlin felt warm breath on his face. Slowly raising his head up, he found himself staring straight into Arthur's face. The prince leaned forward, lips mere millimeters from Merlin's face.

"Don't forget to clean and shine my boots too M_er_lin," he smirked before withdrawing from the room and leaving his stunned manservant behind.

Striding down the hall, Arthur was having a hard time wiping the grin from his face. _Perhaps father is wrong. Perhaps I can have friends…or perhaps; _Merlin's face flashed through his mind. _Maybe, I can have something more…_

**A hero of war, yeah that's what I'll be**

**And when I come home they'll be damn proud of me**

**I'll carry this flag, to the grave if I must**

'**Cause it's a flag that I love and a flag that I trust**

"Sire, the scouts report that Morgana's army is on the move," Arthur nodded to the knight before turning to Merlin, Gwaine, Leon and Lancelot. "You know what's on the line here. We cannot fail, and we cannot allow them to reach Camelot. Today Morgana will pay for her treachery," Arthur turned away, and whispered "her and those sorcerers who follow her."

"Arthur," Merlin stepped forward, "you cannot truly believe like your father that all sorcerers are evil? Most only follow Morgana and Mordred out of fear; they have families just like any of your soldiers! They fight to protect them!" When Arthur turned a questioning gaze towards him he continued, "Morgana and Mordred have fed on their fears of being caught and persecuted for their magic. They have twisted theirs fears for their lives and their families' lives in order to make them fight against Camelot."

Arthur sighed an again turned away, "As true as that may be Merlin, they still choose to fight, a-and my father's orders are clear. All sorcerers are to pay for their crimes with their lives. Regardless of why they fight, they still practice magic in this kingdom; there is nothing I can do for them."

Anger glinted through Merlin's eyes, "So that's it then! You can't decide for yourself; you have to let your _Father_" Merlin spat the word out as if it were something foul, "dictate your beliefs for you!" Arthur winced at his words, and the truth in them. "Or do you just fight to be a hero? Do you just fight for the cheers? Or do you slaughter innocents for your father's pride?" Merlin yelled.

Arthur rounded on him, "I fight for all of it!" he shouted. "I will become a hero, not for myself, but for Camelot. For this crest," he gestured to the pendragon crest on his tabard. "I fight for the love of my home and for its flag, and dammit!" He pulled at his hair, "If I die fighting for Camelot and for the Pendragon crest, then I will die as a hero!"

That was the moment he felt the schism between him and the only man he loved. It formed with the force of an earthquake and when he gazed into Merlin's eyes seeking understanding, all he found was pain and disbelief.

"Then Arthur Pendragon, son of Uther Pendragon, Tyrant of Camelot," Merlin drew himself up to his full height and even Arthur could feel the power emanating from the Warlock. "Know that on this night, Emrys fights for your sake, and only yours. Once this war is over, I will be waiting for you," Merlin looked down then, "and the sentence you bring for me."

In an instant, Merlin was gone and Arthur was left realizing that his cowardice towards his father had just cost him his best friend…_and only love, _Arthur thought. He sat heavily in his chair, gaze falling on the flag before him; the flag of his home, the flag of his people, _and the flag of my father. I have done nothing to make it mine,_ Arthur realized bitterly. He would be a hero of war once they defeated the army of sorcerers.

Then all at once realization of Merlin's betrayal crashed down upon him. _Merlin was a-no, he IS a sorcerer. He has lied to me all this time!_ He slammed his fist down on his desk, fury blazing in his eyes. _He has betrayed my trust…my love._ His gaze caught once more on the flag bearing the crest of the Pendragons. _This is the one thing that has not betrayed me. This flag-this crest, has not betrayed my trust or my love. _

"Sire, it is time," a page said as he walked into the prince's tent bearing his armor. _No more holding back. Morgana, Mordred, her sorcerers, and…Merlin; they will all pay for betraying me!_ He steeled his resolve as he stood. "Let it begin," he murmured as the page began dressing him for battle. This was a war he would win with everything he had, for the Pendragon Crest.

**I kicked in the door, I yelled my commands**

**The children they cried, but I got my man**

**We took him away, a bag over his face**

**From his family and his friends**

"Sire…" Leon approached Arthur cautiously. Not looking up from his reports Arthur answered, "what is it Sir Leon? I'm a little busy here trying to find…" he paused. "I'm trying to locate someone."

If possible, Leon seemed to have gotten more nervous. "That's what this is about Sire." Arthur looked up then, expectantly, and Leon did not miss the glint in his prince's eyes. "W-we…we found him my Lord." Arthur grinned, flashing his pearly white teeth. _I have finally found you, "_M_er_lin."

After preparing a battalion of knights, Arthur led a march to Ealdor. _Typical idiot, after all this time of running he heads home of all places._ Arthur suddenly realized how fond that thought sounded; shaking his head he growled to himself in an attempt to stoke his anger against the sorcerer. _I saw firsthand what he is capable of…all sorcerers are evil. Merlin is NO exception._ He felt himself dragged back into his memories:

_Seething and plotting his revenge, Arthur allowed the page to finish his armor before striding out of the tent, sword in hand. Barking orders left and right, Arthur mounted his horse and prepared to lead his men into position. _

"_Who is leading the enemy?" he asked his knights. "Seems that your three favorite people are leading them Princess. Hey, where's Merlin?" Arthur turned and glared at Gwaine; feeling a weight crush his chest at the mention of the name. "Merlin is the enemy. He has vowed to assist us for this war, but I will take no chances. I want him found and imprisoned." Seeing his knights gaping at him, he continued. "Merlin will be tried and sentenced for his crimes of sorcery. If he refuses to come quietly, you are ordered to use whatever force you deem necessary or…kill him." Turning quickly away from his knights horrified expressions, he spurred his horse forward and signaled the men to follow._

_Getting in position, Arthur admired his surroundings. The men were placed on the top of a steep slope. Arthur again felt a pang as he remembered how Merlin had suggested this position. The steepness of the slope would prevent the enemy from attempting to sneak up and flank his army, as well as giving the archers a clear vantage point. The added momentum to the men and horses would also quickly allow them to overtake the enemy and end the battle far faster than originally anticipated._

_Suddenly, a loud cry pierced the air. Soon the cry was joined by others and grew into an almost deafening roar. Arthur shielded his eyes from the bright glare of the sun and looked forward. There across the field lay the army of sorcerers and tainted magical creatures. Immediately honing in on the leader, Arthur felt his fury grow. There leading the march was no other then Morgana, Mordred and the conniving witch Morgause._

_Letting loose a battle cry, Arthur led his men on the charge. From there the battle grew hazy and Arthur was overwhelmed with the chaos around him. Turning and blocking a blow from a charging sorcerer, Arthur ducked a fireball before plunging his sword into the man's belly. Suddenly, there was an earth-shaking roar sounding in the air and Arthur felt his stomach drop. "No, I killed it! There is no way!" he screamed out. _

_Fire scorched through the air, men screamed and dove to the ground as their comrades where set ablaze. Strangely though, only the enemy was being burned. Arthur spun 'round trying to find the dragon, before a large shadow passed over him. Gazing upon the Great Dragon, Arthur watched as it landed and a small figure slid off its back. _

_As quickly as they had come, the figure was casting fire, lightning, and powerful spells at the enemy, decimating the forces. A blue orb suddenly floated towards Arthur and he tensed, snapping out of his analysis of the figure. The orb circled him, before charging straight into his chest. Arthur braced himself for the pain he was sure to feel from whatever spell had been cast on him, but felt only warmth spread through his body. He looked down and noticed his cuts and bruises where healing._

_Looking back at the figure, Arthur's blue eyes met molten gold and he knew; Merlin had joined the battle._

"Sire…Sire?" Arthur snapped out of his reverie at the calls of his knights. "Is something the matter my Lord?" Arthur shook his head. "Alright Princess," Arthur glared at Gwaine, who looked at him expectantly. "What?" he snapped. "Well, we're here." At that Arthur's head immediately jerked up and he realized that they had indeed arrived at Ealdor.

Setting his mouth in a grim line, Arthur barked his orders. He dismounted from his horse, drew his sword and kicked in the door of Hunith's hut. Sitting there at the table calmly talking to several children was Merlin.

"Take him," Arthur ordered. He heard Merlin whispering calming words to the children as Leon, regret clear on his face, drew a bag over the man's face and dragged him out of the hut. "I want him bound and gagged for transport to Camelot," Arthur ordered. The knights all looked at him incredulously. "B-but Sire, its **Merlin," **Gwaine and Lancelot stressed in unison. Arthur sent them a silencing glare and turned away. He could hear all of his knights apologizing to Merlin behind him. _Bloody idiots, he's a sorcerer…he's_; Arthur could feel his resolve faltering, _he's dangerous._

**They took off his clothes, they pissed in his hands**

**I told them to stop, but then I joined in**

**We beat him with guns and batons**

**Not just once but again and again**

**A hero of war, yeah that's what I'll be**

**And when I come home they'll be damn proud of me**

**I'll carry this flag, to the grave if I must**

'**Cause it's a flag that I love and a flag that I trust**

Since their arrival back at Camelot, the knights avoided Arthur like the plague. Arthur could practically feel the scorn that rolled off them in waves when he passed by. Unfortunately, Arthur was forced to walk by them often; his knights had taken to guarding Merlin while he slept.

Uther had taken to punishing Merlin for his sorcery with torture rather than execution, and had found it sickeningly entertaining to send guards to beat the man while he was sleeping. Although Arthur tried not to admit it to himself, he was thankful to the knights for this attempt at protecting their friend. Today however, Arthur was going to be the source of Merlin's pain. Uther had sent him down with three guards, who were under orders to resume the sorcerer's punishment. After an hour of listening to the sickening crunching of bones and the steady dripping of fluid, Arthur finally looked over at Merlin.

He lay still, eyes unmoving, blood pouring from his lips and nose, and arm stuck out in several odd angles from the fractures. He made no sound as the guards continued to beat him with batons and kick him. Panic filled Arthur as he noticed Merlin gave no reaction to any of his treatment. He ordered the guards to stop, but the burliest of the three turned to him and made clear that they were under the King's command and would not stop till the King commanded them to.

Arthur was panicking; his vision tunneling and tinting red. He felt a sudden NEED to make Merlin respond to him. He picked up a baton and tested its weight. _Perhaps Merlin will respond if I hit him._ After that everything went black for Arthur.

Suddenly he felt himself being pulled and held back by several arms. His vision suddenly lightened and he realized that he was being held by his knights. He saw Percival's lips moving followed by Elyan obviously screaming something at him, but it took a few moments before he could register what they were saying. "…kill him…what were you thinking?" Arthur shook the haze from his head and looked at his knights in obvious confusion.

Lancelot suddenly stood from where Arthur noticed he was crouched, examining something, and strode forward. Arthur didn't even notice Lancelot move before he felt a burning pain on his face. "What the hell where you thinking? Is this some kind of sick form of revenge? Is this because he kept his secret from you? God knows this isn't some retribution for him harming you; all he ever did was protect you!" Arthur noticed movement and looked up to see his knights had left him in exchange for the shape on the floor.

Arthur took a step forward, pausing as he heard a splash. _What the…why is there water on the floor?_ Arthur looked down and froze; in his hands was the baton he had picked up. The baton and his hands were coated in a thick red liquid Arthur immediately recognized as blood. Fear filling him and eyes widening, Arthur traced a drop of blood as it fell to the floor and splashed as it landed in a puddle of the same substance. He slowly stepped forward, following the trail of blood and came to stop at the huddle of his knights. There in the center lay Merlin, barely breathing, without even an inch of skin spared from the blood pouring from his wounds.

"I-I-is he…?" Arthur couldn't voice his fear. The knights all looked up at him with utter hatred, "We don't know my **Lord**," Leon voiced with such unheard of venom that Arthur actually recoiled. "Why did you do it?" Elyan whispered. Arthur tried to grope for some answer, some justification, "For Camelot, and the Pendragon crest." With that, he turned and strode from the cell. He felt regret eat away at him with every step. _He deserved it, didn't he?_

**She walked through bullets and haze**

**I asked her to stop, I begged her to stay**

**But she pressed on**

**So I lifted my gun and I fired away**

**And the shells jumped through the smoke**

**And into the sand that the blood now had soaked**

**She collapsed with a flag in her hand**

**A flag white as snow**

It had been little over a month since Arthur had nearly killed the love of his life. He tried his damnedest to hate Merlin, but his mind kept settling on the truth in Lancelot's words. All Merlin had ever done was protect, serve, and save him. Instead of running away and leaving Arthur to die in the war against The Sisters, he had flown into battle and aided Arthur and the knights with his power. And Arthur had repaid him for his sacrifice, by hunting him down like an animal and beating him within an inch of his life.

Suddenly, Arthur noticed he was being followed. Stuck in his thoughts, Arthur had not noticed he had wondered into the alleyways behind the market. Listening to the steady, soft footfalls behind him, Arthur picked up his pace. The footfalls got faster and Arthur began to panic. It was well known how he had treated Merlin; who was well loved by the people, and many circles had attempted to kill him for what he had done.

Breaking into a sprint, he swerved in and out of allies until he felt there was enough distance between him and his pursuer and ducked into a small alcove. Hearing the person draw close, he shouted "Halt and state your business!" His pursuer continued to move towards him and Arthur again let out a warning "If you continue to approach me, I will be forced to run you through!" Before Arthur could think, the person bolted forward and Arthur instinctively lunged forward with his sword, impaling who he could now see was a woman. Withdrawing his sword and holding the dying woman in his arms, Arthur tried to figure out what had just happened.

The woman suddenly reached up to his face and made a guttural sound Arthur immediately recognized; the woman was deaf. This had been the last straw on Arthur's already fragile emotional state and he began sobbing into the woman's hand. She smiled and placed a small pouch into Arthur's hands, before her eyes dimmed and her arm fell limp at her side.

Trying to clear the teary fog from his eyes, Arthur continued to sob as he opened the pouch. Inside was a vial of some crystalline liquid and a small not that read _for when those who learn from their mistakes understand love at long last. If you wish to undo what you have done to your love, give him this vial. Beware; to use this to save his life, you must sacrifice the life of a tyrant._

Arthur gripped the note hard; he wanted to save Merlin and undo his mistakes, but he knew the life of a tyrant was the life of his father. Still holding the corpse of the deaf woman, he leaned his head back and cried once more.

**A hero of war is that what they see**

**Just medals and scars, so damn proud of me**

**And I brought home that flag, now it gathers dust**

**But it's a flag that I love; it's the only flag I trust**

Arthur sat in the throne room, listening to his father rant and rave about magical beings and plotting another purge against them. Arthur had long lost the urge to prove himself to his father after what he did to Merlin. He started picking at the crest on the table before him when suddenly his knights burst in through the doors with a grave look on their face. Arthur immediately sat up and begged with his eyes to know what was wrong. Lancelot stepped forward first and said only two words that made Arthurs blood freeze in his veins; "It's Merlin."

Before he even realized it, Arthur had arrived at Merlin's cell, his knights behind him. "What happened?" he demanded as he fumbled to unlock the thick iron door. "He's lost the will to live Arthur; he's given up," Gaius appeared saying mournfully. "I could not convince him to fight. His eyes have long been dead and he has been unresponsive…since…that night" Arthur knew what he was saying. Merlin had been dying since that night he almost killed him. "What about now?" At this Gaius seemed to age years before Arthur's eyes, and the knights around them shuffled uncomfortably. "I'm afraid," Gaius looked pleadingly at Arthur before continuing, "he may only have hours left Arthur."

Arthur did not remember returning to his rooms. Nor did he remember when he sat at his desk, or how long he sat staring at the vial he had received days before. If he used it on Merlin, his father would die and he would assume responsibility over the kingdom. _But, if I don't use it, Merlin will be lost to me forever._ Steeling his resolve, Arthur gripped the vial and sprinted down the hall without caring who saw him or what they thought.

Arriving in the dungeons and sliding to a halt outside Merlin's cell, Arthur came upon a sad sight. Gaius and Gwen were cleaning Merlin as gently as they could, trying their hardest to avoid hurting him more. Lancelot, Gwaine, Elyan, Percival and Leon where stood wherever there was room; holding vigil over the pair as they took gentle care of Merlin in his last hour.

Taking a deep breath Arthur silently walked up to where Merlin lay under the ministrations of his friends. Lifting the vial so that Gaius could see, he explained "this will save him Gaius" while trying to ignore how much his voice trembled. Hope sparked in Gaius' eyes and he nodded, giving Arthur room to administer the potion to Merlin.

"What made you change your mind about Merlin?" Arthur heard Gwen ask. Turning to her he said with a grave voice, "it was more a change of heart Gwen. I've known I loved him since the beginning, but I used excuse after excuse to tell myself it was wrong. Then this happened and I felt to so consumed by rage I no longer cared. I doubted myself, and I behaved like my father. In the end, I've pretty much killed him Gwen." She reached forward and laid a hand on his shoulder as tears spilled from his eyes. "You could never be your father," his gaze turned questioning and she clarified, "Uther would never admit his mistakes, and he would never try to fix them."

She opened her mouth to say something else, when a small groan was heard from Merlin. Everyone jumped forward at once, tending to his wounds once more and trying to coax the Warlock awake. Opening bleary eyes, Merlin looked around him and to Arthur's horror, landed on him. Instead of hatred or fear in his eyes, the prince was shocked by love in Merlin's eyes. "He could never hate you; it isn't in him," Gwen whispered in his ear.

Arthur lunged forward and wrapped Merlin up in his arms. "Arthur?" Merlin croaked. Arthur simply answered by hugging him tightly and crying into Merlin's shoulder. "Imsorryimsorry I'm so sorry!" Merlin smiled, "What took you so long you prat?" and Arthur only hugged him tighter. "Stay with me always M_er_lin; don't let me make the same mistake again." Merlin smiled softly then and hugged Arthur back. "If that is your wish, my King."

**He said, "Son, have you seen the world?**

**Well, what would you say if I said that you could?"**

**_Fin_  
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><p><em>Wrote most of this in one sitting, so sorry about how blah it is! Lol, well this is a comeback fic for me and I hope to get back to Last Homecoming soon!<em>

**Please Review! New story ideas pop into my head when you do!  
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